If I Could Turn Back Time
by Crowley's-demon-lover
Summary: After Dean and O/C have a 'moment', it takes O/C and Cas getting caught to realise what she has lost


Because of the new air freshner and because I was injured, i could sort of understand why Dean had suggested sleepiing in the back with me. He loved the strawberry pie smell and he wanted to make sure I was fine.

"There's not enough space," I turned from looking in the car window to look at Dean.

"Well, I'll just have to wrap my arms around you, won't I?" Dean flashed me his infamous grin and got in the back of the car.

I climbed in after him and stopped.

"Where am I supposed to sleep? If I lie on the side, I'm going to fall off."

"Just rest against me," Dean shrugged.

"You couldn't have offered, could you?" I turned to Sam.

"I'm too tall, no way would i manage to lie down in there," he replied.

"Why do I have to lie down? It's perfectly normal to sleep in a car while sitting in it."

"Because you need a decent sleep," Dean told me. "Now, will you get in here so we can hit the road."

I took a deep breath.

"Fine, but don't you try anything," I pointed at him.

Dean laughed and I climbed into the car, lying almost on him, my head on his chest.

Once Sam started driving, it wasn't long before I was asleep.

I don't know how long I'd been asleep but I started stirring and shifting a little. I was still more asleep than awake, so when Dean moaned quietly to my movement, I thought nothing of lifting my head and gently kidding him on the lips. I didn't have time to think about it before I was asleep again.

When I woke up again, it was from dreaming about the kiss and I found I had moved in my sleep because now I was actually on top of Dean. With the dream lingering in my mind, I wanted to feel his lips against mine again, so i moved my head across and gently pressed my lips on his.

I wasn't expecting a reaction because he was still fast asleep but when I stopped and went to pull away, he kissed me back. It wasn't like the kiss I had given him, this kiss was full of want, pure passion and need so what else could I do but kiss him. Because we were only half awake, I don't think we were even aware that sam was still driving.

Dean parted my lips with his tongue and used it to massage mine. I didn't have a crush on him but I did always wonder what it was like to kiss him, but how he is with girls, I knew I'd never get the chance to find out.

Yet here I was, so I let go and gave in to the kiss.

Deans hands wound themselves protectively around my waist, holding me to me so I could feel him getting really hard, really fast and it wasn't long before his hands slid away from my waist and down onto my bum.

As he was rubbing my bum, for some reason that only made sense in slumber, I thought it only fair to return to favor.

I moved one of my hands from his shoulder and slowly traced it down the middle of his chest, over his stomach and rested it on his rock hard erection, straining against his jeans. I exchanged a finger for a palm and moved it in circles, dragging out of him a moan of pure pleasure.

It was that moan that caught Sam's attention and he looked over his shoulder to see us and slammed on the breaks.

The car jerked and me and Dean fully awoke.

Thinking there was an emergancy, we both sat up as straight as we could, ignorant of where our hands were.

We both looked at Sam, who was looking back at us, his face painted with a horrified but amused expression.

"Sammy? What is it, what's wrong?" Dean asked, instantly worried.

"What's wrong?" Sam repeated in a raised voice and then his face relaxed in a proper grin when he realised we had no idea what was going on. "What's wrong is seeing you two sucking face like two teenagers behind the bleachers."

"Err . . .yeah okay Sam, I think you're over-tired and you've been driving too long."

"I wish I was," Sam shook his head like he was trying to rid himself of the image. "If I hadn't heard Dean start to make sex noises . . ."

"Whoa! Wait a minute, what?"

It was at that point Dean felt the aching in his groin.

"Uh oh," he said slowly and looked down. I followed his eyes and my hands flew to my mouth.

"Oh my god!"

"What the hell?"

"I hate to say it-"

"Then don't," Dean interrupted Sam and pointed at him.

"Oh my god, I can't believe we nearly . . .we would have if . . .how the hell did this happen?"

"Well, I am irresistable," Dean smirked to himself and I sent him a warning look.

"It could be your subconscious telling you that there's something going on between you," Sam suggested and this was not the first time he had suggested it.

"Sam, will you give it up, there ain't nothing between us," I rolled my eyes.

"Yeah, will you shut up about that. I don't even fancy her," Dean said.

I slowly turned to look at Dean and his face froze.

"And why not? What's wrong with me?" I raised an eyebrow.

"Err . . .nothing, it's just that I err . . .see you every day and . . ."

"And you prefer to go from woman to woman like a man-whore without seeing them twice?"

"Hey! Hang on! I am not a man-whore," Dean argued.

"Dean, maybe you should come and sit in the front," Sam suggested.

"Umm . . .I think she should, it's a bit uncomfortable to move at the minute."

"Ugh," I cringed and opened the door. "Well, I obviously do something for you."

For the rest of the journey, me and Sam exchanged small talk and the rest of the time was just spent in uncomfortable silence.

One month later, Dean had gained an angel, Castiel and one day, while Dean and Sam were out, castiel appeared behind me.

There was no denying to myself that I like Castiel, I mean he was GORGEOUS, so when I spun round and bumped into him, the butteflies went crazy.

Castiel still hadn't really learned that humans needed th eir personal space, so he was close enough that I could feel his breath on my face.

"Where's Dean?"

"He's out wtih Sam," I said and Castiel must have seen something in my face because his face straightened and his eyes widened.

"Angels aren't supposed to conspire with humans, these feeling are not allowed," Cas said nervously.

"So you have feelings, huh? Want me to take care of them for you?" I stepped closer.

"I don't know what . . . I mean, I haven't . . .," he stuttered.

"Just do what comes naturally," I told him, figuring he'd just given me the go ahead.

I put my arms around his neck and he awkwardly put his hands on my waist.

As I kissed him, Cas was tense and didn't really know what to do but wheh he caught on, he was kissing me back and his arms had tightened around my waist.

After a few minutes of kissing, I could fee his growing erection trying to push through his trousers but I decided not to mention it.

Castiel broke off the kiss and looked down at his trousers, then looked back to me.

"I can feel it, big boy," I said and kissed him again, this time with more passion and heat.

Me and Cas were so involved in the kiss, we didn't hear Sam and Dean come into the room; finding out only when Dean spoke.

"What the hell is going on?"

I spun round to see Dean looking seriously pissed off.

"Dean, I am really sorry," Castiel apologised with eyes full of guilt.

"Yeah, it looks like it," Dean snarled and with that he turned and stormed out.

"Cas, I think you should . . ." Sam hinted.

Cas nodded and dissapeared.

"Do you maybe wanna tell me what hell was going on?" Sam sounded as pissed off as Dean looked.

"Cas just turned up and he was really close and I guess we just, I don't know, felt something?"

"And it never occured to you to just back and turn away?"

"So what? Why are you so upset about it? I've got to get your permission to kiss people now?" I threw my arms up in the air.

"Why do you think Cas said he was really sorry to Dean?" Sam asked.

"Cause he walked in and we were . . . you know," i shrugged.

"No, it's because Cas knows how Dean feels about you," Sam's voice was still raised.

"What do you mean 'how he feels about me'? How does he feel about me?"

"Ever since what happened in the car, Dean has been carrying one for you," he softened up.

"What? That's crazy," I shook my head.

"Think about it, on hunts he's started being extra protective of you, if you need anything thgen he has to be the one to make sure you have it. When you've been hurt or upset recently, he's never left your side until you're back to yourself," Sam raised an eyebrow and I shook my head, refusing to believing him. "Okay then, how about this? Tell me, in this past month, how many girls has Dean slept with?"

I opened my mouth to answer and then realised I didn't know it. I searched my brain trying to remember the past month but kept coming up empty. It was that moment when the things fell into place and made sense.

"But then why didn't he do anything? Was he just waiting til he had some competition before bringing it up, before making it clear?" I raged.

"I don't know but what I do know is that, right now, he isn't angry, he's upset."

"What am I supposed to do?" I sat on the bed, staring at him.

"What are you supposed to do? You're supposed to go after him!" Sam yelled and pointed to the door.

I stood up and slunk past him, through the door.

Outside, I had no idea where to find Dean when he wasn't sat in his car, so I wandered around until i found him 10 minutes away, sat on a bench.

"Dean, I-"

"Don't you dare give me that 'it didn't mean anything', 'we were caught in the moment' crap, okay?"

"I didn't even know I was doing anything wrong!" I yelled at him.

"No, but Cas did, he should have turned away! Hell, you could have turned away," Dean looked up at me and he was visably upset.

"You could have told me how you felt. Do you really expect me to feel guilty for kissing someone else when I didn't even know that you were in love with me?"

"Whoa, what? I am not in love with you," Dean stood up.

"Well, you better go tell your brother because that's what he seems to think," I pointed to the direction I had come from. "And if you aint then why the hell are you acting like this?"

"What was I supposed to say? After nearly a year of hunting with us, I'm just supposed to turn around and say, 'oh by the way, I'm in love with you.' I didn't know if you felt the same, I still don't know if you do!" Dean shouted at me.

"This all started after what happened in your car, you could have told me afterwards that it made you think that maybe we could be more than friends. I mean, I used to think of you and Sam as my brothers."

"If I said that I didn't know how you were gonna react; I thought it was gonna get awkward and would suggest you go one way and me and Sam go the other."

"So instead you decided to keep quiet just so you could have me around, hugging you, not even knowing that you wanted . . . "

"I was gonna tell you-," Dean started but I interrupted him.

"When? When you finally had competition? When someone else showed interest? And what now? What happens now?"

"Well, you're with Cas now," Dean sneered.

"Oh my god, it was just a kiss! Just one kiss! And after tonight there sure as hell won't be anything else ever happening with us, you've just made damn sure of that! Do you think I would have done it if I knew how you felt? Do you think I was doing it to make you jealous? And don't you dare blame Cas, he obviously thought you were never going to say anything and if he likes me he thought it would be okay if he made a move himself! Which, FYI, he didn't, I made the move!" I shouted. "And I bet he feels guilty right now, I bet he hates himself but you will forgive him. What about me?"

"What about you? Well, I'll tell you what I think you should do. I think you should just let me and Sam go on without you, it will be easier for everyone, easier for me!"

"So now we're going to do the whole 'I never want to see you again' thing? You know what, Dean? You are so immature, throwing a tantrum just because it didn't turn out the way you wanted it to. Well, you could have changed that and told me sooner."

"Me and Sam are going. Tonight. Your stuff will be at the reception; don't come back to the motel until we've gone," Dean said, emotionless. "If you need anything, you have got my and Sam's number."

"Oh, believe me, I don't need or want your numbers. You're just like a child; 'she kissed someone else so I don't like her anymore'. And you can't have loved me that much if you are giving up so easily."

Without saying anything, Dean turned around and walked away, leaving me stood by the bench.

"Seeya Dean," I said, quietly, after him, but not quietly enough.

"No, you won't."

Two months had passed and I was living at Ellen's. I'd been passing through while hitch-hiking and being understanding, she offered me a place to stay.

The only downside was that, every weekend, me and Jo would kick back and have a laugh on the karaoke machine but she ALWAYS got me to sing broken-hearted songs.

As Jo was finishing one song, Dean and Sam walked in but Ellen very quickly and very quietly sat them round the corner of the bar where they could see me but where I couldn't see them.

They watched Jo finish up singing, and both of us were dancing on the pool table.

"Right, your turn," Jo handed me the mike.

"What are you going to make me sing now?" I asked as I fiddled with the karaoke machine. "Not 'It must have been love' again?"

"No, something else. Something that if you really put your heart and soul into, it might make Dean come back."

When Jo said this, Sam looked at Dean and raised his eyebrows, interested to see what was coming and Dean looked at Ellen confused, who just shook her head, signalling him to stay quiet.

"You say that every week and every week so can I not sing something . . . fun and bouncy?" I jumped up and down.

"Not until you admit you're hoplessly in love with Dean and can't live without him and would do anything for him to come back and still want you," Jo said, suggestively.

Both Sam and Dean held their breaths and leaned forward to hear what I was going to say.

"So then, which heartbreaker is it tonight?" I asked, not admitting anything.

"You are so in denial," Jo shook her head and pressed play on the CD player.

At the start of Cher's Turn Back Time, I rolled mmy eyes.

"I would have been happier singing Roxette," I rolled my eyes.

"But this song is perfect, you wish you could go back in time and never let Dean leave, then you wouldn't be pining over him," Jo replied.

"Yeah, of course," I sighed and turned to the TV, even though I knew the song word for word.

I took a deep breath and started singing.

_If I could turn back time, if I could find a way_

_I'd take back those words that have hurt you_

_And you'd stay._

_I don't know why I did the things I did_

_I don't know why I said the things I said_

_Pride's like a knife, it can cut deep inside_

_Words are like weapons, they wound sometimes._

_I didn't really mean to hurt you, I didn't wanna see you go_

_I know I made you cry but baby_

_If I could turn back time, if I could find a way_

_I'd take back those words that have hurt you_

_And you'd stay_

_If I could reach the stars, I'd give them all to you_

_Then you'd love me, love me, love me_

_Like you used to do._

When there was a break in the song, I looked up to see that Ash has loaded a photo on to the TV of Dean standing in front of his car.

"You are so NOT funny," I shook my head, trying not to laugh.

"Sing to the picture, baby," Ash laughed and when he saw Dean over my shoulder, he winked.

_My world was shattered I was torn apart_

_Like someone took a knife and drove it deep in my heart_

_When you walked out that door, I swore that I didin't care_

_But I lost everything darling, then and there_

_Too strong to tell you I was sorry_

_Too proud to tell you I was wrong_

_I know what I was blind and darling_

At this point, Ash changed to photo to another of Dean, smiling.

"I hate you . . ._back time, if I could find a way_

_I'd take back those words that have hurt you_

_And you'd stay_

_If i could reach the stars, I'd give them all to you_

_And then you'd love me, love me, love me _

_Like you used to do. If I could turn back time_

_If I could turn back time, if I could turn back time_

_If I could turn back time, oh, baby_

_I really didn't mean to hurt you_

_I didn't wanna see you go, I know I made you cry._

" I aint singing the chorus another two times," I ground my teeth. "Is that me done for the ngiht?"

"Not quite, we want you to sing one more song and if, at the end of this song, you still won't admit you wish you were with Dean, we will stop playing heartbreakers," Ash grinned.

"Oh no, what song? I don't like it when you grin like that, Ash," I eyed him suspiciously.

"Don't worry, it's your kinda music," Jo giggled when Alice Cooper's Die For You started.

"Remember, if you can admit not being in love with Dean at the end of this song, you can sing whatever you want," Ash reminded me.

"And here we go . . ._A hundred numbers on my wall_

_Some with names I sometimes call_

_I drop and coin and watch it fall_

_Trying to get connected to you_

_A thousand hours all alone_

_My softest pillow turn as hard as stone_

_This is the longest night on my own_

_Lying here thinking of you_

I scowled at Ash.

"It's working, ain't it."

"No, I still don't love Dean," I said, knowing I was lying. This one song was always the one that brought it all back to me and they all knew it. They'd found me upset enough times while listening to it.

_Sometimes I shake my head and laugh to myself_

_I'd like to start again with somebody else_

_I'm like a broken toy forgotten on the shelf_

_Baby, I could have been someone_

_I could have been something_

_It would have been nothihng to die for you_

_Baby, you're gonna need me, you better believe me_

_It would have been easy to die for you_

_A million memories flood my brain_

_Drown my sorrows, kill my pain_

_Wets my thirst for you again_

_Just another night to get through_

_All my neighbours scream quiet at my door_

_Shattered glass and torn up photos on the floor_

_Well, I couldn't stand to see your pictures anymore._

Again, Ash chose this moment to load a picture of Dean and I stuck my middle finger up at him.

At the back, Dean sat still, watching and Sam patted his back, knowing what Dean was feeling.

It was also at this point that Castiel showed up.

"What the hell is he doing here?" Dean snapped quietly.

"What, he hasn't told you?" Ellen asked. "He comes here twice a week to make sure she is okay and not too . . .you know. But Dean, you got nothing to worry about; there's more between Sherrie and Jo than there is between them two now. They're just friends, maybe best friends but still that is it. I swear to you on Jo's life."

"How can you be sure?" Sam asked for Dean.

"Cos a week after he came to make sure she was okay and I overheard him say that you didn't know what you were losing," she looked at Dean. "She told Castiel it was all because of them and that she didn't want anything to happen between them and Castiel just said he'd never kissed anyone before, and he got carried away but he will always be her friend. Dean, he's been caring for her while you've been gone, he's more of a big brother to her than you are to Sam, and that's a a hell of a lot."

Dean just nodded and went back to watching me. It was hard but he did believe was Ellen had siad.

_These cuts are deeo but you plead innocent_

_Are you hell or are you heaven sent?_

_You're much too cold to know how much you meant to me, yeah_

_A billion tear drops fall from my eyes_

_But it's just a joke now and I'm laughing at your lies_

_You made me hard as rock and now I realise_

I finished the last chorus and when the song was over, Ash looked at me.

"Well?

Before I could stop it, the water that filled my eyes spilt over the edge, into tears.

"I'm sorry, I need some fresh air," I said quietly and headed out of the door in front of me.

As Dean watched me, he had a lump in his throat and had the urge to go after me, but Castiel was already heading out the door after me.

Sat on the curb outside, I rested my head on my knees until Castiel sat beside me.

He said nothing, just put his arms around me and let me cry into his chest.

After about five mintues of watching, Ellen snuck Dean outside so he could hear me and Cas talking.

"It's my fault you are upset," he squeezed me.

"We've been through this, it ain't your fault Cas. If it's anyone's fault, it's mine," I sighed.

"But I should have known and resisted. This is why Angels are banned from showing human emtions."

"You're new to this, I . . .fancied you and you saw it in my eyes."

"Like this?" Castiel pulled back and gave me puppy dog eyes, making me laugh.

"You've been really good to me Cas," I put his arm around my back and hugged him.

"I have to make sure, just in case Dean ever comes back."

With his angel senses, Castiel already knew that Dean was at the bar and that he was now stood behind us, listening.

"He's not coming back, I didn't even know how I felt until a few days after when it had all sunk in and he wasn't around, but you know all of this anyway," I rested my head back against his chest and played with his tie.

"He still loves you."

"How can you possibly know that?"

"I spend most of my time with him, I talk to Sam, and there is also another thing," Cas rubbed my shoulder.

"Yeah?" I looked up.

"Dean wouldn't have come all this way, looking for you, if he didin't love you."

"What?" I was unsure I had heard right.

"He said I came a long way to find you," Dean said behind me. "Thanks, Cas."

Castiel looked round to Dean and nodded before we both stood up.

I took a deep breath and slowly forced myself to turn around.

When I saw Dean stood there, looking just like he did two months ago, my heart skipped a beat.

"Dean . . ." I whispered to myself.

I didn't know how he was going to react so I stayed still and then the words sunk in.

_I came a long way to find you_

I looked back up at Dean and took a step forward.

It must have been the sign Dean was waiting for, beccause, when I stepped forward, Dean strode over, threw his arms around me and kissed me.

A couple of seconds later, the tears started again and I also couldn't ignore Sam, Ash and Jo cheering. I broke off the kiss and wrapped my arms around Deans waist.

"I'm really sorry," I sobbed into his shoulder.

"Let's just forget it ever happened, okay?" Dean pulled me back and looked at me. "Oh, don't cry, you know I'm a sucker for a damsel in distress."

"Don't ever call me a damsel again," I laughed and Dean pulled me back into a hug. "I've missed you so much."

"You're never gonna have to miss me ever again . . ."

When Dean turned to Castiel, I held my breath.

"Get over here and join in."

I laughed and when Castiel awkwardly tried to join in, me and Dean both threw our arms around him.

"Thanks Cas, Ellen told me you'be been taking care of her, I owe you a lot."

"Okay, come on," Ellen called to us. "I think Sam wants to welcome her back to the team."

When Sam came out of the doors, I let go of Dean and ran up to Sam, him picking me up off the floor in a bear hug.

"Maybe now he'll stop moping around," Sam whispered in my ear and I laughed. "And he hasn't had sex in ages, months."

"Come on, it's time to celebrate!" Ash shouted from the window and we all laughed.

"Lets go, my woman," Dean came up next to me and held my hand.

"Okay, my man," I smiled and noticed Castiel smiling as well and with that we all walked into the bar.


End file.
